In this poem, Swastika writes about how educational and professional spaces imagine people’s personal/private selves and academic/professional selves as completely distinct, and without influence on one another. Professional and academic success is often privileged at the cost of personal physical and mental wellbeing – and is a sign of the absence of a culture of care.

Sir, I am twenty-three years old and I have no idea.

The Scientific Method demands that I at least

hypothesize. It is true; it is nearly

a quarter of a century of living and at this point,

purpose and perspective are key.

It is not enough to say

“I would like a good night of sleep”

or “I hope I no longer feel

like a traitor in my own skin”

or “I want to learn to love

with a fuller heart.”

In academia, they want to know

if I will go on to get a Doctor’s degree

and if I aspire to be a professor.

They don’t want to know

of the deep depression that drills

into our chests, or of the black circles.

It is not part of the methodology.

It is private; it is personal,

it is not in the purview

of this cold objectivity

that plagues our ‘professional’ spaces.

We will be asked “What is you research question?”

We will very rarely be asked

“How are you?”

Swastika Jajoo is an avid consumer of chai and poetry and is currently studying Linguistics at Tohoku University on a scholarship from the Japanese Government. She hopes to pursue her research on the intersections of language and gender.